Grief and its lessons have revealed itself throughout the course of my life. From grief of self, my hometown, family structure, and loved ones– I’ve learned to form a practice of Good Grief to navigate and commit to experiencing grief in the healthiest ways possible. 

From an early age, religion influenced and impacted my mental health. Being a queer child of the Black church caused a lot of struggle between me choosing to be authentically me and what religion wanted me to be. There were a lot of misconceptions of the Creator and who I've been called to be in my human experience. Growing up in San Francisco, I was blessed to have many family members as pastors, bishops, ministers, and community leaders. This includes but is not limited to my father, his father, my grandfather and great grandfather on my mother’s side (both served at the same church), my great grandmother on my mother’s side (who had to hide her preaching certificate from my great grandfather), my aunt, my cousin, etc. The best thing I’ve received from my family and church community is to have a personal relationship with God. Gratefully, the importance of my relationship with God stuck more than the misinformed and harmful man made rules. 

Coming from San Francisco, one of the known mecca’s of LGBTQIA+ pride and history, one would assume I was safe to express myself, but unfortunately that was not the case. To feel safe within my family and church community, I had to learn to adapt and suppress most, if not all of my feelings. This grieved my spirit often and I would dive into my creativity heavily to cope. I started writing poems, songs, playing the piano, drums, and would sing to heal and remind myself why I'm here. It wasn’t until I left San Francisco to attend Hampton University that I was able to begin exploring myself, for myself, just me and Creator, and allowing our relationship to grow without outside influence. 

Grief has taken many forms in my life. From my parents’ divorce, moving around in The Bay, a high school friend dying in front of me, leaving for college and seeing how San Francisco changed through gentrification, losing my Aunt Stacey to domestic partner gun violence, my band member Brittany’s brother’s transition, and later another friend from San Francisco to gun violence. The culmination of grief definitely had an impact on my well being. It wasn’t until my late twenties that I committed to being more intentional about my mental health and overall wellness. I lost over 100lbs and it not only changed my body, but transformed my state of mind. I became more conscious of what I allowed into my mind and spirit. Every part of me understood that it was all connected and I couldn’t have the future I desired until I nurtured my mind, body and spirit in life-giving ways. 

As my spiritual life was maturing, I realized I wanted to investigate the parts of me that needed more unpacking, so I put Good Grief into practice by pursuing therapy. My adult journey with therapy gave me the language to express the feelings I wanted to express as a queer child, and it provided a safe space to be my authentic self outside of music. When my Papa Rich passed on April 18, 2020, my GiGi (his partner), reminded me that he included therapy service for his family in his health plan. I immediately took that blessing and joined the group sessions for grief. The sessions validated what I was feeling in my grief and brought a deeper awareness of how grief truly is different for all of us. Hearing about others’ grief, and mirroring our experiences with one another, was so healing and affirming. Later in the passing of my other grandparents, Moran, Gigi, & Papa Charles, I used those tools to navigate my waves of grief. 

Today, I hope I can continue to learn from grief and what my journey needs to remain true to my calling to provide healing through art. I hope to take what Good Grief has taught me about being well, and continue to create art that points us to the powerful medicine embedded in Black creativity. In the future, I plan to get a degree in Music Therapy and open a wellness center that makes space for people to experience Good Grief.